"My mum is a superhero."
Nothing in this world matters than having an amazing mum. I don't really say this but I wasn't close to my mum during my younger days as I was much of a daddy's princess. After my dad passed on, I find it hard for me to get close to my mum and nothing can ever go right between us. We'd fight from time to time and I'd always think that I'm never going to be that great daughter my mum ever had and that she might have regretted having a rebellious daughter like me. But after everything that has happened in my whole entire life, I realize that she has always, always been there, praying for me and always been there to watch me achieve my dreams, graduating school, and always been proud of me even at the little things that I've done be it at school or at work. She always gave me the greatest advice and never once belittled my feelings. When I was alone in that place last 2 years, the first thing that I reflected on was my mum. I realize how much of a nuisance I've became and how awful I have treat her at times and it got me thinking that, she's the only parent I am left with.
When I came home that day, I still remember the tears that rolled down my eyes and I remembered that wonderful hug I had with her, how much I missed her although it was a few days and that was also the day that I realize how much I have let her down and how much of a failure I am to her. For making her feel that she failed as a mum, for making her feel that she cannot be compared to how amazing my dad is, for making her feel upset at every little awful things I might have said to her although as a joke, for making her feel disappointed at times when I was rude to her and my brothers, for every bad things that I have ever done to her. From then until today, she has taken a very good care of me and I have never, ever, not think of the day that Allah might take her away one day. I still have so much to do to make her proud but what if one day I wake up and realize that it's all too late? Even right now, I always think of the times when she tell me she's excited to go for Hajj and I am / will be happy for her when she's called for it but again, I think to myself. If I am god damn worried to be away from her for 1 month when she's performing for her Hajj, how will I be if she is taken away from me forever? Of course, the things that I can do is pray for her every single day. But I feel like there's more for her to see in this world and what I hope for is to make her happy until she's gone because I couldn't do that for my dad. I love you ibu, and I will protect you like any kid would protect their parents, like all security / body guards would protect the celebrities, I will protect you and defend you till the end of my life. I love you so much and I hope you'd forgive me for all of my sins. I love you and I hope I've made you proud all this while with the achievements I've made. I love you and nothing else matters. Seeing everything she went through, from losing the love of her life, to losing her mum, she has never once let me seen her cry. And that's how strong my mum is. She never let us see her cry because she wants us to know that she's strong with, or without us around. To let us know that she can be that independent woman who doesn't always depend on her kids, who doesn't want to burden her kids.
I know I've let you down, every single time. I don't always keep to my promises and I have always been a disappointment to you. I apologize for the times I may have shouted at you, unintentionally, I apologize for the times I may have shut you off for not understanding me and I apologize for the mistakes that I've did to you all this while. For making you feel like you're less fun than ayah, for making you feel like you're not better than ayah, for making you feel like you're just not good at times. And for every times I've did that, I always reflected about what ayah said to me and it will always be in my mind. "NurulJannah, jangan pernah kurang ajar dengan ibu." Which also means, "NurulJannah, never ever be rude to mummy." I love you ibu, and I'm sorry ayah for the times I've did her wrong.
"O Allah, may heaven be the place for my mum in the afterlife, for she has been the most patient person that I've met in my whole entire life. O Allah, may you grant all of her wishes and especially for her to perform Hajj because that's her dream which she has been talking about. O Allah, may you remove all of the sadness in her life and lessen the challenges for her in future, for she has always been looking up to you every single day without failing. O Allah, may you grant her happiness in her life for she has been sad on the days that her kids are not around. O Allah, may you always, always be with her on the days she's alone. O Allah, may you hear my prayers for my mum, for she is the best thing that's ever been mine."
I love you, ibu. And nothing else matters. I know I don't really show my love towards you on the internet, but giving you kisses and hugs at home every single minute is enough for you to know that I love you so much and nothing can ever replace you. Happiest Birthday, Ibu. You might not see this but at least now, the world knows how much I love you.
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