Only God knows.

 3 days has passed ever since daddy's birthday. There isn't a statement on how I can express how much I've missed him for the past 9 years. I know for the fact that I have Redha, but the feeling of missing a father's love is very strong. Sometimes, I feel upset that he's not around anymore to keep a look out for me, an outlet for me to pour out my feelings or to just have someone to talk to. Don't get me wrong, I love my mum as much as I love my dad. But being the only daughter & last child was what made me feel extra special in the family. I still feel that I am special, considering my mum & brothers took a very well care of me, but I just miss having conversations with my dad. Period. 

Sometimes when I visit him, I talk to myself as if I'm talking to him. Nope, not crazy. Just pouring out everything that has been happening and I cry. I mean, of course we'll cry sometimes when visiting the grave of a person we have long missed. But one of the other reasons as to why I cry was knowing that he can't answer me back but I can hear his voice thru my mind. Motivating me, cheering for me & telling me that everything will be okay. That's one of the many reasons as to why I am able to continue with my life, no matter the challenges I have faced.

I'd wonder to myself at times. Have I done enough as a daughter for him & my mum? Have I been a good daughter for them? Only God knows. I can't blame The Almighty for taking daddy away, of course. And sometimes, I know & tell myself that there are reasons as to why He took him away. I wouldn't say I was young at the time daddy passed on. I was 17. I still remember how my heart shattered knowing that I wasn't around him when he was gone. But I can't fight my fate. And I leave it up to God on my fate as well. If it was meant to be that way, then I have no other way but to accept that. Probably for the best. He knows that maybe I wouldn't be able to accept daddy's passing if I was around him during his last breath. The Almighty is indeed, great. 

My boyfriend has been nothing but very supportive of me. Whatever challenges I have had during our relationship, he never failed to motivate me & cheer for me, pretty much like how daddy would have done. He did not judge my doings, and guided me as to what is right & what is wrong. I'm very contented with what I have, especially my current relationship. He's quite shy, hahaha so I ain't going to show his face just yet, until he gives me the green light to :p I thank The Almighty so much for this amazing relationship I have with my boyfriend. We knew each other back in the past but the boy was too action to talk to me! HAHAHA and well, that mischievous boy is now my boyfriend. 

I pray everyday for The Almighty to bless our relationship. We grew together in this coming to 2 years of our relationship. Seen each other's worst downfall but never leaving each other's side. Stayed through no matter the problems we face and I am so glad to be in this relationship with him. He can be quite angsty but he has learn to be more loving now hehehehe. That 'tough' guy I've known from the start has now change into a soft-spoken, soft hearted person. And I am so bless. So lucky to be with him. Thank you babe for making me the happiest woman on earth (chey), hehehe but of course, ultimately, Thank you to The Almighty for making this happen. May our relationship be bless with more & more rezeki in any forms, insyaAllah.

Till then, Selamat Hari Raya to everyone celebrating this amazing month. <3